I help couples and individuals uncover the hurt underneath the fight, so you can stop triggering each other and finally feel safe, close and understood again.
Book your free 20-minute call (opens in a new tab)Online, or walk-and-talk in St Albans · on your own or together · warm, private and pressure-free
"It was never about the dishes. It was about the expectations neither of you ever said out loud."
Repeating fights are rarely about the topic. They're about what each of you has learned about love, silence and conflict, whether that was in childhood, in past relationships or in this one.
Needs to talk it through now. Silence feels like being abandoned, so they reach harder: more messages, more questions, a louder voice.
Needs space to settle. Being pushed feels like being attacked or never being good enough, so they go quiet, leave the room, or switch off.
Neither of you is the problem. The loop is. And the moment you can both see it, you can start to change it, together.
A 9-page guide to the loop you keep getting stuck in: why one of you pushes to talk while the other goes quiet, what is happening in both of your bodies, and three small changes you can try this week.
Thank you, it’s on its way.
Check your inbox (and your spam folder, just in case). Can’t wait? Open the guide now →
Yours and your partner's: what gets touched, where it comes from, and why it feels so big.
Spot the moment the loop starts, pause before it escalates, and come back to the conversation on purpose.
Say what you need, and when, in a way your partner can actually hear. Then repair properly afterwards.
And if you're wondering whether your partner is wounded or unsafe to stay with, we'll look at that honestly too. You deserve clarity either way.
“I did not want coaching. I thought it would be awkward talking, crying, all that. But I could see I was losing her, and I did not want to lose her to my own issues. Bianca was easy to talk to—professional, warm, never judgemental. She helped me understand why I pull away when things get emotional, and gave me ways to stay instead of disappearing. I am not perfect, but she says she can feel the difference. So do I.”
“I used to spend whole days checking my phone, waiting for him to reply, letting his mood decide mine. It was exhausting. Bianca helped me understand why I did it and how to feel okay on my own. She never judged me, even when I felt embarrassed saying things out loud. I am not completely cured of it, but I feel like myself again.”
“We kept doing the same thing for years. I would panic and push for reassurance, he would go quiet, and then we would both end up hurt and angry. Bianca helped us see we were not enemies—we were both scared in different ways. She was kind but firm, and somehow made the hard conversations feel safe. We still slip sometimes, but we catch it now. That has changed everything.”
“We came to Bianca basically ready to sign papers. Every row ended the same way, and we had stopped trusting each other’s intentions. She helped us see the loop we were stuck in—and that we were fighting the loop, not each other. It was not easy. Some sessions hurt. But we started listening properly, and we learned to ask for help instead of shutting down. We are still together, and for the first time in a long time, I am glad we are.”
“I went to Bianca wanting a straight answer: is he avoidant, is he a narcissist, should I stay or leave? She would not give me one. At first that frustrated me. But she gave me her tool booklet, helped me look at what was actually happening, and kept the decision mine. She was so calm and compassionate, and I never felt pressured or silly. In the end, I did not get an answer from her—I got clarity from myself. That mattered more.”
Names shortened or removed for privacy.
Every session is 60 minutes, online or as a walk-and-talk in St Albans. Your first step is a free 20-minute call, where we'll see together what will help you most.
Need to move a session? Let me know at least 24 hours before and we'll rebook it for another day that week. Sessions cancelled with less than 24 hours' notice, or missed, count as used and can't be rebooked.
I'm a relationship coach and the founder of Lumina Sanctum Wellbeing, based in St Albans. I coach individuals and couples across the UK online, and walk and talk with people locally in St Albans.
I've worked with people who are tired of having the same fight, and with couples who want to understand each other instead of just surviving each other. My approach is calm, direct, and wholeheartedly committed to one thing: real change you can feel at home. I don't take sides, and I don't push my beliefs onto you. I help you see your patterns clearly, so you can choose what happens next from clarity, not fear.
I'm a mum of three. I know how little time and energy there is at the end of a long day, and that's exactly why I make every session practical, focused and worth your time.
You don't have to wait until morning for answers. Choose the guide that speaks to where you are right now, and start feeling clearer tonight.
Why you keep triggering each other, and how to start healing together. The loop, the wounds underneath, and 8 worksheets to do alone or as a couple.
Get the guide: Same Fight, Different Wounds (opens in a new tab)
Discover who you’ve handed control of your mood and worth to, and the unspoken expectations behind it.
Get it free: Who Holds Your Remote? (opens in a new tab)
Avoidant, fearful-avoidant or narcissistic: understand who you’re loving, and who you are with them.
Get the guide: Wounded or Dangerous? (opens in a new tab)
The remote control method: take back your peace in love, one small daily practice at a time.
Start the workbook: Safe to Love (opens in a new tab)No. I'm a coach. Coaching is practical and focused on what's happening now and what you want to change. If something comes up that needs a therapist, I'll tell you honestly.
No. Many people start on their own, and it works. When you change your side of the loop, the whole loop changes. If your partner wants to join later, or you'd both like to come from the start, we work together on the same call.
Twenty minutes on video. You tell me what keeps happening, I help you see the pattern underneath it, and you leave with a clear next step. It's relaxed and private, and there's no pressure to book anything.
That's completely normal, and you're welcome exactly as you are. We go at your pace, and you decide what to share. Tears, anger, long silences: all of it is okay, and nothing you say will shock me. I don't take sides and I don't judge. If talking face to face feels like a lot, a walk-and-talk session lets you talk side by side, which many people find easier.
Yes. What you share stays between us, and I don't keep session notes. The only exception is if I believe someone is at risk of serious harm.
If the same fight keeps coming back, that's reason enough. Most couples spend around six years unhappy before they reach out, and the sooner you start, the easier the pattern is to change. Every session gives you something practical to try at home that week, so change starts where it matters: in your everyday life together.
Your first call is free, and you can book single sessions before committing to a month. Monthly coaching can be stopped with 14 days' notice. Online sessions are 60 minutes from wherever you are, with no travel to arrange. And if you'd like to start on your own first, one of my guides is free.
Life happens. Let me know at least 24 hours before and we'll rebook your session on another day that week. Sessions cancelled with less than 24 hours' notice, or missed, count as used and can't be rebooked.
Then your safety comes first, before any coaching. If you feel afraid, controlled or threatened, please contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or the Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327. In an emergency, call 999.
It starts with twenty minutes. Book your free call, tell me what keeps happening, and leave knowing exactly what to do next.
Book your free 20-minute call (opens in a new tab)